Hell Above

Trigger warning for indirect mentions of sexual violence

Written about the struggles of coping with trauma, this piece explores my own inability to cope with what happened to me. It attempts to search for an answer as to why one person could perpetuate such acts of violence against another. Written October 30, 2025, it is a piece filled with sorrow and longing, a piece that captures the grasp that trauma can have.

My heart is clenching tonight,
I’m tired of putting up this fight
If I could pay, I’d make it go away
All my soul does is circle the drain

Like nails in a fencepost, it never leaves
Just like a widow, it always grieves
I just want to fix my heart, start anew
But poetry is the best that I can do

Where there was once glee, there’s grief
There’s apathy where there was love
Joy replaced by anger and disbelief
I’m surrounded by the hell above

My tears won’t come, my eyes are dry
No logical reason for it, always asking ‘why?’
I’d kill for an answer, I’m dying to know
I didn’t need this as a lesson to grow

“Why didn’t I listen to my gut,” I plead
This trauma wouldn’t always surround me
I’d be none the wiser, but that’d be fine
His actions undid, my world divine

Who could justify the horrors of man?
Only the depraved really can
Maybe that’s why I can’t understand
Why he’d choose to hurt a woman

He knew it all, he thought it through
The drugs would render me useless
Then he had his way, haunting me too
I don’t know why I had to be so careless

Too drunk to fight back
Yet too sober to forget
Forever begging for an answer
Forever filled with regret

He’s not here but the memories stay
The bloodstains on my soul always remain
I’d pay every cent I could to go back to
before my soul was haunted

If I were a betting woman, I’d wager
On there being a hell above
The scars left on my heart are major
I can’t find where I once held love